Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Dating While Separated

This appears to be a really hot topic.  Some people are adamant that dating should be tabled until the dust settles on your divorce papers.  In this country, divorce is clearly not a black and white transaction.  I often say the wedding ceremony is 45 minutes tops but a divorce can drag on for years. 

Our human nature has physical, mental and spiritual needs so are we to suppress these needs and push away opportunity for meeting the "right" person?  I say go for what makes you feel comfortable at that moment and only do things that you feel are right for you and your needs.  We are different creatures and cannot assume what works for others will necessarily work for you.  However I am a huge proponent on being happy and if that means finding that person who offers you this then go for it.  Now one aspect of this I am not comfortable with is introducing this significant other to your child(ren).  Personally I believe this can wait until there is some longevity with the relationship.

Free2bMe

Letter to the Other Woman---Part 1

Dear Other Woman:

I want to start by saying thanks for opening my eyes to the fact I deserve far better than what I received.  You may think this is a game of winners and losers and you are probably patting yourself on the back.  Kudos to you for giving yourself credit.   However I must put you on blast to recognize the  following.   All the things you may receive going forward were built on someone else helping your Boo get to where he is now- where that is I'm not quite sure.  Your boo's life is now filled with court dates, child support payments, judges, lawyers, dissolution of marital property and divorce papers.   Just so you know there is no going forward until your boo gets a divorce so any plans of getting married are pretty much on hold.  Please rest assure I am not the obstacle to the DIVORCE.   I'm so ready for this to be finalized.    Just so you know it is illegal to have more than one wife.    

While you may think your life is grand, just remember your relationship(for lack of a better word) is based on a lie.  If a man was lying to his wife to cover for you-chances are he was lying to you THEN and is still lying to you NOW.  I don't have those problems anymore, funny how things work!  No matter what you think you do better you can take no credit in providing what I worked hard to provide in my home and my genetic link to your BOO---our kids(who don't need anything from a jumpoff).   I may seem like a non issue but just remember he gets a monthly reminder that when you play you must pay!  Your position started off as a jumpoff you will never increase that rank.  All I can say is watch your back because KARMA is a B@#$%!  Another little side note, once a cheater always a cheater or  you'll be the cheater next.   No matter how it proceeds I'm looking forward to as Fantasia's new song goes- DOING ME!  Countdown to DIVORCE and a FABULOUS life!

Free2bme

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Parenting Class/Mediation

Prior to the scheduled mediation, we were required to take a parenting class.  The class consisted of a video for an hour and half.  Most of the content was self explanatory but for those who insist on making this process difficult it definitely applied.  The video addressed topics such as what is appropriate to talk about with child(ren), not berating the other parent with child(ren), visitation, parenting plans, etc.

After the parenting class we were scheduled to for mediation.  The mediator acts the go between to establish and finalize the custody agreement.  In our case, we have joint custody of both children. I was awarded physical custody(custodial parent) as they reside with me. The argeement provides partial physical custody to the other party every other weekend(Friday to Sunday).   You can elect to do week days; its basically whatever schedule works for you situation.  In the next part a request for a weekday was noted.  Next, was scheduling the holidays based on even and odd years.   Thanksgiving and Christmas have specific schedules.  Each parent is also entitled to 2 weeks of vacation either consecutive or non-consecutive.

Now can you assume that this agreement will work without a hitch in an ideal world, yes!  Some of my oversights have caused some indigestion.  Unfortunately I did not stipulate a a pick-up and drop-off location so now out of the blue there is an issue with the residence.  I regret not adding anything content in the special terms section.  The agreement also stipulates behaviors that are expected from both parties.  What I find really disturbing with this new transition is the constant way in which the other parent is trying to control how much is reported back to the mom.   My oldest is constantly being instructed on what he should not tell and then we expect our kids to embrace honesty.   Do some parents really understand this negative behavior is harming his/her relationship with their child?  My child feels like he has to choose sides which is not something a 10 year old should have to deal with. 

In order to address issues with the agreement I must file a contempt order.    Bring on the Mylanta because this is sure to cause more indigestion!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Infidelity

I think what pissed me off the most was the way in which this was handled.  It is never pretty when you discover has betrayed you and in some ways you feel a bit embarassed since you are normally the last to know.  The vows say for better or worst but I disagree it should state for your mental best or mental worst.  When your mental state is unstable you are liable to react in some very unusual ways so if nothing else I will say that leaving a situation for your mental good is sometimes best or I will say it was best for me. 

I am by no means a spokesperson for this new lifestyle change however I will say each morning is easier knowing that the love and respect I require is out in the universe.  Loving yourself more is sometimes better than loving someone else.  People may question how do you recover from mistrust, I say the hope of the unseen is a reason to believe that not all men are the same.   I can only learn from this experience in terms of knowing what I want and require.  Ultimately I refuse to accept less if it is not for my mental good.  

Free2bMe

Friday, January 21, 2011

Separation

I have found it is not only separting physical space from one another but I am thoroughly enjoying the mental space it has created.  It is so easy to be married and get consumed in your daily grind of being a wife, mother, business professional, etc that you never take the time out to figure out who you are and what you need.  Now that I have this time alone with my thoughts so to speak it so easy to plan for my future with the kids. 

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Co Parenting

I assume in an ideal world this would be an easy undertaking.  However, the reality is ideal is not a part of everyone's situation.  I wonder why one parent must always work against the other parent as if they are in a battle of the sexes.   One thing is for certain kids require love and consistency not DRAMA!  In the eyes of my children I will continue to be the bigger parent and provide exactly what is needed. 

The biggest roadblock is discipline because the other parent here is vying for the "fun" parent spot so discipline goes out the window.  My kids may call me the "mean" parent but I wear that badge proudly because the current situation is not suppose to eliminate rules. 

Free2bMe

Divorce in America

I wanted to establish a sounding board for releasing my daily quirps of being separated and preparing for divorce.  If there is such a thing as preparation.  The past few months have been filled with lawyers, courtrooms, mediators, custody agreements, parenting class, family law, parenting classes, judges, etc.  In spite of all of this I still manage to smile and savor all that life has to offer me despite my current circumstances.

Free2bMe