Thank You to my Soon to be Ex

This is my formal thank you letter to my soon to be ex!  I thought about this one day because it is senseless to waste time and energy missing someone who was never the one for you.   The past year has been an absolute roller coaster with  numerous court dates for child support and the civil case for the marital property. 

I find it interesting when people suggest you consider reconciliation without knowing the details of your relationship.   Also what defines a relationship in one home is definitely not the same in another home.   I say to emphasize reconciliation is not for everyone.  Personally, I believe that two people are better apart than together especially when children are involved.  A psychologist told me studies show it is better to raise children separately than in a home that is filled with tension.  Wow, can I high five her today. 

Although I have a few choice words for my soon to be ex (and the other woman) and his relationship with the other woman I will resort to say it here too and in person if the need arises(ha-ha).

First and foremost I want to thank you for being the most disrespectful male I have ever known in my life.   I really want to thank you for calling me b#$&*es in court(real classy!).  You have really shown how classless you are and the level of maturity you obviously lack.   Oh, the icing on the cake is when you compared me and the your jump off(left me thinking for real).  Despite all the business that needs to be handled- you went there!  This was by far your finest hour!  For a man to disrespect the woman he married and mother of his children in such a vile way truly shows your caliber.  Although you think your life is grand just think that your actions not only undo your selfish life but undo what existed as a family.  However, everyone has a different concept of family.   I especially want to thank all of your co-signers who sit by and cheer you on and applaud your actions.  When you are in a crunch(such as now) I hope they are standing by with their checkbooks open because that is what friends are for, right? 

The most exciting part of you being a soon be ex really means this is who you will be and should be.  You were never meant to be there for the long term.  It feels great to wake each day with the possibility of meeting someone who respects and loves me they way I deserve.   This is enough to never want to look back on dysfunction.  I also love the fact that I can instill in my daughter what the real love of a MAN feels like! 

Again, thank you for being a deceitful, despicable and disrespectful individual because my eyes are wide open to finding the Right One! 

Annoyed

It is unbelievable that a DIVORCE is held up based on someone else's IGNORANCE! 

Free2bMe

Women are Bold Today

To you women who are luxuriating in another woman's house --- good luck with that.  When two people purchase a house(namely a husband and wife), keep in mind the other party(the wife) is free to enter the house at any time.    While you are being fed lies: watch your back as well as the next time the door opens because it may be the soon to be ex-wife walking in!  Also taking your kids into another woman's house is not a good look!  You are just DUMB! 

This is really grown folks business, I really don't think you can afford to play in the BIG LEAGUES! 

Free2bMe

Judge/Order/Contempt----WTH!

When a judge signs an order at what point does a person take it serious?  The amount of time and legal fees spent due to someone's ignorance is mind boggling!  A judge gives you 90 days and then 10 days of relief which you use like it's a joke.  Now more time and energy for a contempt order, dam when does it stop!

Why Did I Get Married?

I have spent the past 10 months reflecting on the above five words, Why Did I Get Married?  This may seem strange but I was never one obsessed with the fairy tale wedding story.   My ideal wedding picture was barefoot on the beach exchanging vows.  A ceremony that was low key and quiet; I was never one for pomp & circumstance! What I have learned now that I can say been there done that.  Recognize the red flags; don't ignore! 1) If a person is dishonest while dating don't expect this to somehow go away in the future of wedding bliss  2)if a person disrespects you while dating: it will only continue in the future of wedding bliss 3) examine a person's relationships with parents (and other family dynamics); this speaks volumes in terms of their morals and values  4)if the other person has interests they don't share with you: the behavior will remain  5)If the person does not hold a spiritual foundation on the priority list and this is important; keep it moving

I now know that people show you exactly who they are and what they are capable of from day one.  You have to demand no REPRESENTATIVES!

Since I have been there done that,  what do I want going forward? A respectable, chivalrous, honest, God fearing, (gentle)Man who can lead me to my next phase!

Marital Property

Who knew that buying property together would lead to such a nightmare in the divorce process?  In my state of divorce filing,  any marital property needs to be dissolved before a divorce is finalized.   Now what issues does this present for being free of my past life.  There are are limited options, if one party is interested in keeping the property this party must refinance the loan(and hope you qualify) to remove the other party from the loan.  In light of the economic conditions in this country there are a number of homes in foreclosure which are mixed in with divorce proceedings. What happens if the house is in foreclosure?  This presents another pile of issues.  If the property is in foreclosure a reinstatement amount is calculated by the law firm handling the foreclosure file.   If one party is interested in maintaining the home, that party must pay the reinstatement amount and then refinance the loan(and hope you qualify) to remove the other party.  Lastly, selling the property and walking away is the ideal situation.  There is nothing ideal about divorce and typically one party is the crux to making this a smooth process.  I know see why pre-nups are soooooo important!

Free2bMe

Child Support

For the life of me I cannot understand why this topic creates such a bone of contention.  It is my understanding that child support is a parent's responsibility not an option.  When I evaluate the costs of raising children just on a monthly basis it is eye-popping!  The reality of covering rent/mortgage, daycare, utilities, food, car payments, gas, car maintenance, school supplies, and recreational activities.  

Why do some individuals act as if this is a personal vendetta against them?  The determination is based on the incomes of both parents which means the courts take into account the income contributions of both parents.  The amount is fairly determined based on the number of children in question.  This formula in my opinion is just plain common sense.  I guess as they say sense is not common.   Kudos to the dads who recognize the importance  and responsibility of child support by continuing to do what is in the best interest of your child(ren).  My hat goes off to you because you GET IT!    It is not optional to be financially responsibility for your child(ren).   Another question I have is why do individuals use other people's situation as an example for themselves?  Every situation is different and this is evident as all child support payments vary from person to person.  Some people choose to file for child support and some do not.  Please do not use other people as a gauge for what my children are owed. 

According to the cost of raising a child calculator on http://www.babycenter.com/cost-of-raising-child-calculator on BabyCenter.com, the cost of raising a child born in 2006 is $328, 910 who may attend a public college.  Therefore, please note your child support is just a share of what is required to fully provide for children.  I just ask that all step up and alleviate the stress, time and legal costs from multiple visits back to the courthouse.

Free2bMe