Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Letter to the Other Woman ---Part 3

Dear Other Woman(I use this lightly),

Well who knew we would ever see one another in the same place.  I have to wonder why a woman would find a man or a piece of man so attractive if he exhibits no signs of being a provider and protector of his own children.  This is your idea of a "stepfather" for your kids.  It seems to me based on your current situation and number of kids you keep looking in the wrong places.   Why would this piece of a man be allowed in my children's lives?  maybe that's just me being logical.   You flaunt this piece of a man around your kids as if he's the prize in the Cracker Jack box, really?   I'm embarrassed to know my children share his DNA.   To go as far as introducing this piece of a man as a new "son in law" is a joke considering this piece of a man is not even divorced.   I guess for you this is a minor technicality considering you were sending pictures of your genitalia on his cell phone while he and I were living under the same roof! 

You apparently don't understand how marriage or the divorce process works.  How would you?  For mature married individuals who plan on staying married, they typically do not entertain needy individuals like yourself.  Why? you may ask, well it's pretty simple a good provider of his family works hard to preserve what he has built and seeks to remain a powerful force for his family.  You probably will never understand this because you are in a relationship with someone who initiated your relationship based on lies and deceit.  There is no long term future in your messiness.   By all means, you can get married,  however the divorce must be final as we do not live in Utah or Nevada where polygamy is still practiced.   For those like myself on the edge of my seat waiting for the ink to be dry and the judge to finalize my divorce decree it is really not that simple.   In our wonderful state when you elect to buy "marital property" with someone you must first sell the marital property before a divorce is granted.  Option 2 is one party may buy the other party out to relinquish the other of any ownership or debt associated with the marital property.  I seriously doubt the other party can afford to buy me out.  When you want to interject what you believe is holding up the divorce, have your facts straight.   However you're only as knowledgeable as the information you receive and you're being fed lie after lie.  I'm sitting on the sidelines laughing at the foolishness and hoping one day real soon I will get my divorce decree in the mail.  In the meantime, I really hope you are thoroughly enjoying my SLOPPY SECONDS!
Free2bMe

Monday, October 31, 2011

Letter to the Other Woman -- Part 2

Dear Other Woman,

I'm back again with some choice words.  Writing is good for the soul! so don't judge me.   It has been one year since leaving my soon to be(not soon enough) ex spouse.   I wish I could report the soon to be(not soon enough) ex has greatly matured and is more focused on being a good parent.  NOT!

First and foremost thank you for taking this idiot off my hands.  It is amazing how you were so quick to go up into my foreclosed house with my name on it; that I shared with my soon to be ex(not soon enough) and wallow in the same bed on the same mattress and box spring that I shared with my soon to be ex(not soon enough).  I just wonder what was your motivation, did you need to see how I was living that badly? did you think you were moving in?  did you think he was able to move you in?  NOT!  Oh, and the ultimate is one of my friends spotting you in the supermarket( where I use to shop) as you pranced around shopping (coffee cup in hand) with the idiot; like you owned the place.  You'll need all of that prancing when you're in the same shoes that won't fit.   

For all the manipulation he used to encourage you to take the 45 mile drive to the foreclosed house with my name on it, I hope you got everything you were wishing for and more. The way I see it only a real B&*%$ would enter into another woman's home under these circumstances.   You already crossed the line on so many levels, but this right here is a real example of just how classless you are as a woman!  Do you think in the words of Charlie Sheen, you're WINNING?  What did you gain, a reality check on what you will never have at my expense.  I can only imagine the lies he's telling you because I have been there done that.  I don't understand what is so exciting about a foreclosed house that is owned by the bank and a few steps away from going up for sheriff's sale.    When you put the key in the lock of your house put your feet up because I revel in knowing that you are stuck with my SLOPPY SECONDS!   I love the fact I can methodically find Mr. Right! for me and it definitely will not be someone else's husband. 

Free2bMe

Friday, April 22, 2011

When Dealing with a Liar!

It baffles me that when individuals get themselves into situations, why is it never their responsibility?  In order to make my divorce final, I had to petition the court to have the jointly titled house listed.  The first court date ended with having a judge granting 90 days to the other party to have me removed from the mortgage.  When the 90 days were up I was granted authority to list the house however the party was given another 15 days to attempt with removing me from the mortgage after showing up more than an hour late.  Why oh why, do people play with the justice system?

The other party was obviously directed to file an extension and was given a new court date.  In the interest of my original order, I appeared in court AGAIN!  This time it was apparent the judge was a little irritated with the other party as they were having selective memory on what the court granted earlier. 

After I took the stand to summarize the course of events over the last year, the other party attempted to represent himself.  I only ask why oh why!  When my attorney was asked what was left for the courts she asked that the other party be ordered to sign the agreement.

The other party was ordered by the judge to sign the agreement and he replied "No" so the judged ordered the other party again to sign the agreement and he replied "No".  The sheriff was summoned to take the party into custody at which time he decided to sign the agreement.

According to insignificant people, I was laughing in court which is a joke in itself.  For those who have appeared in front of a judge, a disruption in the courtroom is not allowed.  Therefore, it is interesting that all the cohorts are STUPID enough to believe I was allowed to be in hysterics in the courtroom.  What I do find interesting is the fact that people sit in court conversing while court is in session and it did nothing help their case.

I'm so glad that in light of the larger issues in this country right now people have the time and energy to entertain a pathetic, psychotic, dysfunctional and pathological liar!   If this individual's life was so happy why would you have the need to make up nonsense about me. 

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Thank You to my Soon to be Ex

This is my formal thank you letter to my soon to be ex!  I thought about this one day because it is senseless to waste time and energy missing someone who was never the one for you.   The past year has been an absolute roller coaster with  numerous court dates for child support and the civil case for the marital property

I find it interesting when people suggest you consider reconciliation without knowing the details of your relationship.   Also what defines a relationship in one home is definitely not the same in another home.   I say to emphasize reconciliation is not for everyone.  Personally, I believe that two people are better apart than together especially when children are involved.  A psychologist told me studies show it is better to raise children separately than in a home that is filled with tension.  Wow, can I high five her today. 

Although I have a few choice words for my soon to be ex (and the other woman) and his relationship with the other woman I will resort to say it here too and in person if the need arises(ha-ha).

First and foremost I want to thank you for being the most disrespectful male I have ever known in my life.   I really want to thank you for calling me b#$&*es in court(real classy!).  You have really shown how classless you are and the level of maturity you obviously lack.   Oh, the icing on the cake is when you compared me and the your jump off(left me thinking for real).  Despite all the business that needs to be handled- you went there!  This was by far your finest hour!  For a man to disrespect the woman he married and mother of his children in such a vile way truly shows your caliber.  Although you think your life is grand just think that your actions not only undo your selfish life but undo what existed as a family.  However, everyone has a different concept of family.   I especially want to thank all of your co-signers who sit by and cheer you on and applaud your actions.  When you are in a crunch(such as now) I hope they are standing by with their checkbooks open because that is what friends are for, right? 

The most exciting part of you being a soon be ex really means this is who you will be and should be.  You were never meant to be there for the long term.  It feels great to wake each day with the possibility of meeting someone who respects and loves me they way I deserve.   This is enough to never want to look back on dysfunction.  I also love the fact that I can instill in my daughter what the real love of a MAN feels like! 

Again, thank you for being a deceitful, despicable and disrespectful individual because my eyes are wide open to finding the Right One! 

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Annoyed

It is unbelievable that a DIVORCE is held up based on someone else's IGNORANCE! 

Free2bMe

Women are Bold Today

To you women who are luxuriating in another woman's house --- good luck with that.  When two people purchase a house(namely a husband and wife), keep in mind the other party(the wife) is free to enter the house at any time.    While you are being fed lies: watch your back as well as the next time the door opens because it may be the soon to be ex-wife walking in!  Also taking your kids into another woman's house is not a good look!  You are just DUMB! 

This is really grown folks business, I really don't think you can afford to play in the BIG LEAGUES! 

Free2bMe

Judge/Order/Contempt----WTH!

When a judge signs an order at what point does a person take it serious?  The amount of time and legal fees spent due to someone's ignorance is mind boggling!  A judge gives you 90 days and then 10 days of relief which you use like it's a joke.  Now more time and energy for a contempt order, dam when does it stop!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Why Did I Get Married?

I have spent the past 10 months reflecting on the above five words, Why Did I Get Married?  This may seem strange but I was never one obsessed with the fairy tale wedding story.   My ideal wedding picture was barefoot on the beach exchanging vows.  A ceremony that was low key and quiet; I was never one for pomp & circumstance! What I have learned now that I can say been there done that.  Recognize the red flags; don't ignore! 1) If a person is dishonest while dating don't expect this to somehow go away in the future of wedding bliss  2)if a person disrespects you while dating: it will only continue in the future of wedding bliss 3) examine a person's relationships with parents (and other family dynamics); this speaks volumes in terms of their morals and values  4)if the other person has interests they don't share with you: the behavior will remain  5)If the person does not hold a spiritual foundation on the priority list and this is important; keep it moving

I now know that people show you exactly who they are and what they are capable of from day one.  You have to demand no REPRESENTATIVES!

Since I have been there done that,  what do I want going forward? A respectable, chivalrous, honest, God fearing, (gentle)Man who can lead me to my next phase!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Marital Property

Who knew that buying property together would lead to such a nightmare in the divorce process?  In my state of divorce filing,  any marital property needs to be dissolved before a divorce is finalized.   Now what issues does this present for being free of my past life.  There are are limited options, if one party is interested in keeping the property this party must refinance the loan(and hope you qualify) to remove the other party from the loan.  In light of the economic conditions in this country there are a number of homes in foreclosure which are mixed in with divorce proceedings. What happens if the house is in foreclosure?  This presents another pile of issues.  If the property is in foreclosure a reinstatement amount is calculated by the law firm handling the foreclosure file.   If one party is interested in maintaining the home, that party must pay the reinstatement amount and then refinance the loan(and hope you qualify) to remove the other party.  Lastly, selling the property and walking away is the ideal situation.  There is nothing ideal about divorce and typically one party is the crux to making this a smooth process.  I know see why pre-nups are soooooo important!

Free2bMe

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Child Support

For the life of me I cannot understand why this topic creates such a bone of contention.  It is my understanding that child support is a parent's responsibility not an option.  When I evaluate the costs of raising children just on a monthly basis it is eye-popping!  The reality of covering rent/mortgage, daycare, utilities, food, car payments, gas, car maintenance, school supplies, and recreational activities.  

Why do some individuals act as if this is a personal vendetta against them?  The determination is based on the incomes of both parents which means the courts take into account the income contributions of both parents.  The amount is fairly determined based on the number of children in question.  This formula in my opinion is just plain common sense.  I guess as they say sense is not common.   Kudos to the dads who recognize the importance  and responsibility of child support by continuing to do what is in the best interest of your child(ren).  My hat goes off to you because you GET IT!    It is not optional to be financially responsibility for your child(ren).   Another question I have is why do individuals use other people's situation as an example for themselves?  Every situation is different and this is evident as all child support payments vary from person to person.  Some people choose to file for child support and some do not.  Please do not use other people as a gauge for what my children are owed. 

According to the cost of raising a child calculator on http://www.babycenter.com/cost-of-raising-child-calculator on BabyCenter.com, the cost of raising a child born in 2006 is $328, 910 who may attend a public college.  Therefore, please note your child support is just a share of what is required to fully provide for children.  I just ask that all step up and alleviate the stress, time and legal costs from multiple visits back to the courthouse.

Free2bMe

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Dating While Separated

This appears to be a really hot topic.  Some people are adamant that dating should be tabled until the dust settles on your divorce papers.  In this country, divorce is clearly not a black and white transaction.  I often say the wedding ceremony is 45 minutes tops but a divorce can drag on for years. 

Our human nature has physical, mental and spiritual needs so are we to suppress these needs and push away opportunity for meeting the "right" person?  I say go for what makes you feel comfortable at that moment and only do things that you feel are right for you and your needs.  We are different creatures and cannot assume what works for others will necessarily work for you.  However I am a huge proponent on being happy and if that means finding that person who offers you this then go for it.  Now one aspect of this I am not comfortable with is introducing this significant other to your child(ren).  Personally I believe this can wait until there is some longevity with the relationship.

Free2bMe

Letter to the Other Woman---Part 1

Dear Other Woman:

I want to start by saying thanks for opening my eyes to the fact I deserve far better than what I received.  You may think this is a game of winners and losers and you are probably patting yourself on the back.  Kudos to you for giving yourself credit.   However I must put you on blast to recognize the  following.   All the things you may receive going forward were built on someone else helping your Boo get to where he is now- where that is I'm not quite sure.  Your boo's life is now filled with court dates, child support payments, judges, lawyers, dissolution of marital property and divorce papers.   Just so you know there is no going forward until your boo gets a divorce so any plans of getting married are pretty much on hold.  Please rest assure I am not the obstacle to the DIVORCE.   I'm so ready for this to be finalized.    Just so you know it is illegal to have more than one wife.    

While you may think your life is grand, just remember your relationship(for lack of a better word) is based on a lie.  If a man was lying to his wife to cover for you-chances are he was lying to you THEN and is still lying to you NOW.  I don't have those problems anymore, funny how things work!  No matter what you think you do better you can take no credit in providing what I worked hard to provide in my home and my genetic link to your BOO---our kids(who don't need anything from a jumpoff).   I may seem like a non issue but just remember he gets a monthly reminder that when you play you must pay!  Your position started off as a jumpoff you will never increase that rank.  All I can say is watch your back because KARMA is a B@#$%!  Another little side note, once a cheater always a cheater or  you'll be the cheater next.   No matter how it proceeds I'm looking forward to as Fantasia's new song goes- DOING ME!  Countdown to DIVORCE and a FABULOUS life!

Free2bme

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Parenting Class/Mediation

Prior to the scheduled mediation, we were required to take a parenting class.  The class consisted of a video for an hour and half.  Most of the content was self explanatory but for those who insist on making this process difficult it definitely applied.  The video addressed topics such as what is appropriate to talk about with child(ren), not berating the other parent with child(ren), visitation, parenting plans, etc.

After the parenting class we were scheduled to for mediation.  The mediator acts the go between to establish and finalize the custody agreement.  In our case, we have joint custody of both children. I was awarded physical custody(custodial parent) as they reside with me. The argeement provides partial physical custody to the other party every other weekend(Friday to Sunday).   You can elect to do week days; its basically whatever schedule works for you situation.  In the next part a request for a weekday was noted.  Next, was scheduling the holidays based on even and odd years.   Thanksgiving and Christmas have specific schedules.  Each parent is also entitled to 2 weeks of vacation either consecutive or non-consecutive.

Now can you assume that this agreement will work without a hitch in an ideal world, yes!  Some of my oversights have caused some indigestion.  Unfortunately I did not stipulate a a pick-up and drop-off location so now out of the blue there is an issue with the residence.  I regret not adding anything content in the special terms section.  The agreement also stipulates behaviors that are expected from both parties.  What I find really disturbing with this new transition is the constant way in which the other parent is trying to control how much is reported back to the mom.   My oldest is constantly being instructed on what he should not tell and then we expect our kids to embrace honesty.   Do some parents really understand this negative behavior is harming his/her relationship with their child?  My child feels like he has to choose sides which is not something a 10 year old should have to deal with. 

In order to address issues with the agreement I must file a contempt order.    Bring on the Mylanta because this is sure to cause more indigestion!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Infidelity

I think what pissed me off the most was the way in which this was handled.  It is never pretty when you discover has betrayed you and in some ways you feel a bit embarassed since you are normally the last to know.  The vows say for better or worst but I disagree it should state for your mental best or mental worst.  When your mental state is unstable you are liable to react in some very unusual ways so if nothing else I will say that leaving a situation for your mental good is sometimes best or I will say it was best for me. 

I am by no means a spokesperson for this new lifestyle change however I will say each morning is easier knowing that the love and respect I require is out in the universe.  Loving yourself more is sometimes better than loving someone else.  People may question how do you recover from mistrust, I say the hope of the unseen is a reason to believe that not all men are the same.   I can only learn from this experience in terms of knowing what I want and require.  Ultimately I refuse to accept less if it is not for my mental good.  

Free2bMe

Friday, January 21, 2011

Separation

I have found it is not only separting physical space from one another but I am thoroughly enjoying the mental space it has created.  It is so easy to be married and get consumed in your daily grind of being a wife, mother, business professional, etc that you never take the time out to figure out who you are and what you need.  Now that I have this time alone with my thoughts so to speak it so easy to plan for my future with the kids. 

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Co Parenting

I assume in an ideal world this would be an easy undertaking.  However, the reality is ideal is not a part of everyone's situation.  I wonder why one parent must always work against the other parent as if they are in a battle of the sexes.   One thing is for certain kids require love and consistency not DRAMA!  In the eyes of my children I will continue to be the bigger parent and provide exactly what is needed. 

The biggest roadblock is discipline because the other parent here is vying for the "fun" parent spot so discipline goes out the window.  My kids may call me the "mean" parent but I wear that badge proudly because the current situation is not suppose to eliminate rules. 

Free2bMe

Divorce in America

I wanted to establish a sounding board for releasing my daily quirps of being separated and preparing for divorce.  If there is such a thing as preparation.  The past few months have been filled with lawyers, courtrooms, mediators, custody agreements, parenting class, family law, parenting classes, judges, etc.  In spite of all of this I still manage to smile and savor all that life has to offer me despite my current circumstances.

Free2bMe